The maid of honor just puked.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
