I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
