yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
