I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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