So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
