What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
