is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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