You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He felt like a one man threesome
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
