Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
