When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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