It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
