Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
