if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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