i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
