Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
