He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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