I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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