I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
