soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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