I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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