I never want to see another naked old woman again.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
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In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
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I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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