So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
