Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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