Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
