fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
