Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize