Buhtt sex?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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