I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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