He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
