I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
