Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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