my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
