$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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