that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
whose parrot is this?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
