Buhtt sex?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
