Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
