careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
