Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
