I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
