i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
