I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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