Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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