dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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