My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
