I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
