i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
