I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
