We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
