just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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