How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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