Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
