someone threw a dead crab at me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When are your genitals available?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
