Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
