ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
