Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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