So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
