i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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