That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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