I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
