The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
