what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
