The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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