This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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