I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sext me about skeletons
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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