I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Come on in and take your pants off
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