If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
