Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
